July 17, 2019
Sacre Coeur
I speak and respond to myself a lot. On this day before leaving the house I had so much anxiety. I kept finding something to tend to, a misplaced hair on my head (I’m bald mind you), a glass in the sink, hanging up clothes, wiping down the shower. I went through all the motions until I just stopped and said, ‘so you know you’re going out today right?’ I shook my head in compliance and was able to leave less than 5 minutes later after having walked around in circles in the apartment for a good half an hour or more.
On this day I went to see about Jesus and them. Another way of saying I visited the Sacred Heart Basilica.
Train
On my way I saw a lot of what Karen mentioned regarding the newer trains heading to the tourist destinations and the older non air conditioned trains headed to other parts of town. I spy a little institutional systemic bias. But imma mind my non Parisian taxpaying business.
Equipment
This was the day I took my gimbal out for a spin. Fancy word for a tripod that can track movement. I was nervous because of all the scam videos I watched on YouTube about tourist traps and people who slap bracelets on your wrist and demand payment. More on a version of that later in this blog. I was even more nervous creatively about being able to use this new device to create content. In the past I’ve allowed lack of experience to make me stagnant.
Not here, not now.
Pull the gimbal out and it’s acting wonky, in addition the the grounds keeper letting the hose go to sprinkle me and my electronics with a heavy mist. I finally get the thing to work after realizing it was upside down. I really like this thing because it comes with a cool carrying case. The drawback is that I think my iPhone 7+ is too big because sometimes it makes my shots slightly askew. Something I want to be able to fix in post.
Onward. I have to repeatedly shake myself out during the creative process or I just shut down. I hitch the phone to the gimbal and we get to moving.
The people
Everyone the world over is here, school groups (I heard German, saw Habesha people), lovers (names on locks chained to gates), couples, solo travelers (two women one from Korea and the other from a Spanish speaking country asked me to take their photos).
After sightseeing for while I set my sights on getting in, I kept trying to figure out if you had to pay for entry by looking around. The next thing I knew a line was forming right next to me so I just inched a little closer to join it from where I stood. Entry is free dolla.
History
Once inside the church brought back so many memories. If you’ve been in one Catholic Church you’ve been in quite a few. What was different was the number of black women. I kept reflecting back on the research I did for Professor Carl Anthony around race and the environment. I found through research that underneath some European colonial crowns namely Spain everyone including the descendants of slaves had to be Catholic. So other nations that felt it was too cumbersome and from what I feel harder for their subconscious to enslave members of their congregation (cough Dutch) the said nations would use different islands to indoctrinate slaves in Catholicism before selling them off to the Spanish crown.
I kept wanting to shake the women but then I was hit with a wave of my own personal history with the church. My mother is atheist, father is Muslim, grandmother was Baptist and they sent me to private catholic school. I am indoctrinated in many ways.
So much so that although, I didn’t understand the language I was able to follow the mass. I used to read in church at school. When they got to shaking hands I was able to offer to my neighbors a kind, “peace be with you.” In between trying to gather sneak shots of Jesus because there are signs that no one pays attention to prohibiting photos.
Another part of me was really hesitant to respect that request not only because everyone else was disobedient, but also because they have a gift shop in the cathedral. Now if you know anything about Jesus he went the fuck off turning over tables because they were selling things in his fathers house. But imma try and mind my business and continue being respectful on the surface by turning the flash off, brightness down, and holding the selfie mode side up to capture the ceiling. Hey Jesus.
Talking to me nicely
I begin to peak around while the congregation consumes the Eucharist. The gift shop offers little excitement, I see a hall marked do not enter but it’s across from people taking photos with a statue that looks like that brilliantly beautiful black man at the 2019 Met gala. Billy Porter. He did that! Insert photo here.
I snap a photo of the hall and a white hand emerges across my face to get to my camera. Ok no problem I think I’m going to put the camera down and walk over to the crowd in front of me. The guard grabs a velvet rope from nowhere and begins to block me with his body. He says, “S'il vous plaît” I know that means please. I say ok. But when he speeds up his speech, changes his tone, and tells me to walk rapidly using his index and middle finger as an imaginary person, insert screeching sound.
I change my disposition too. I drop my pelvis to sink my ass down, turn my two feet out, and slow down my pace by dragging my feet on the floor. Had me fucked up at the first wave across my face. But the stick figure diagram was a no no Monsieur. He made like he wanted to touch my shoulder but I know that body language communicated more than my English ever could.
Relationship with “authority”
I am respectful of authority but when authority has me all the way fucked up I can get funky too. I got mad and then lost the anger shortly thereafter. I think it was because I was able to respond in a comedic way.
I apologized to Jesus and walked out. Because as my high school friend Kashaun used to say, “God know my heart.”
Scams
So back to the post it about scams. One is the bracelet. The other is the sign in sheet/voter registration/what the fuck is that on your clip board that a tourist would sign? We don’t have voter rights. What would you need my signature for? So this lady approaches me, I said “unh unh” on the first pass. I take someone’s photo and she comes back I said, “no.” The third time she tries to shove her clip board and me and I say, “if you don’t get the FUCK away from me” in a low but serious enough tone that she exits stage left. I love people but you not finna finesse me like you did white Santa across the way. If you want money ask don’t try to corral me into giving it to you, respect my space please and thank you.
Trust
A part of me wishes I wouldn’t have done so much research on the scams and didn’t carry so much anxiety at the time. I would have asked someone to take my photo. Instead I opted for selfie mode. I suppose that works too.
Love y’all and tryna have act right out in these Paris streets but they run both ways. 👊🏾♥️👊🏾